Igniting Personal Transformation: Becoming A Certified Life Coach

Have you ever felt overwhelmed or unprepared when facing life's challenges? This is Nick Koopalethes, and today I'm inviting you to join me as I share my personal journey from an enthusiastic yet unskilled 20-year-old to becoming a certified life coach. My experiences and struggles have helped me understand the importance of preparation and mentorship not just for my career, but also crucial roles like being a good father, husband, and leader.

In the second part of our conversation today, we'll examine the transformational impact of coaching in our lives. I'll take you through my realization that these are not just platforms for venting, but actually critical tools helping us transition from our present to our future. An effective coach can provide the nudge, direction, and support you need to unlock doors and take ownership of your life and goals. Let's break down the outdated notion of handling everything alone, and understand the need for a multitude of counselors in our lives. A single conversation can have a powerful impact, and I hope this one does for you.

Visit www.VictusOnecoaching.com

Chapters

• 0:00 Certified Life Coach and Seeking Support
• 15:07 The Importance of Counseling and Coaching

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

the Coupelethis podcast. Welcome to episode number 22,. And this is Nick Coupelethis, your host. I'm so glad to be with you. And here we are, at the end of September and I'm posting and I'm still holding to my promise of one episode at least a month. And you say, nick, you know the last time you posted was the beginning of August. Now it's the end of September. Hey, it's still in the process, right? Let me quote Cy Robertson. Hey, that's the quote. And so and you know, I always think it's funny when somebody hasn't put up a YouTube or hasn't posted in a while.

Speaker 1: 0:49

There was like you've been wondering where I've been, and I get it, you haven't been wondering where I've been, but I'm going to tell you anyway right after this break, and the goal is going to be to do this in one take. So it's, we're going to try it. Usually I do this in many takes, so in one take, starting after this where have I been, what have I been doing and how can you benefit from it? Pete Carroll said this. He said each person holds so much power within themselves that needs to be let out. Sometimes. They just need a little nudge, a little direction, a little support, a little coaching and the greatest things can happen. That is an amazing quote and that really feeds into what I want to talk to you about and what I've been working on and what I've been getting certified to do and what will be unleashed from, maybe, the Kupulithis podcast from our church, the Victory House.

Speaker 1: 1:51

In life. I've been working on this secret project, which is becoming a certified life coach, and you say, well, what is a life coach? I hear about that and I hear that you know there's a lot of life coachings. It's an up and coming industry, it's all this kind of stuff. Let me tell you this I'm going to get into it in a moment. Let me take you back before I do and tell you what life coaching is. Let me take you back 23 years, 23 years. I'm 43 years old. Let me take you back to the ripe old age of 20 years old. Do you remember yourself at 20 years old? Do you remember how you probably knew everything? Maybe you were like me and you just had the whole life figured out. Maybe you knew what you were going to do, but even if you didn't know what you were going to do, you were ready to take the bull by the horns and just go for it. I mean, that was me at 20.

Speaker 1: 2:52

I got called into the ministry by God at 16. And so by 20, I'm trained up, I'm ready to preach, go to the nations, take it all, and I'm like you know, we'll just let God sort the rest out, we'll just go and preach. And then you find out something a four letter word that begins with L, that ends with E, and it has I, f, and it's a big if in the middle of life. You realize there's an if in the middle of life. And what's that if? Yeah, yeah, you're going to take the nations. Yeah, you're going to build businesses. Yeah, you're going to do all this if you have the right skills, if you have the right tools. If, if, if. There's a lot of ifs in life, come on, I mean, this is good preaching, but there is a lot of ifs in life. And so at 20, here I am, I'm filled with the Holy Spirit, I'm ready to tackle the whole world and and it's like you know what, actually what's going to do? I wish I could go back and tell myself this what's going to do you better, nick, is that you prepare not only on being a good pastor, a good minister, whatever that might be, but you also prepare to be a good husband, a good, a good father. Learn the skills, understand it, become, become a man, become somebody who takes responsibility over their life, who has a deep sense of ownership that has a purpose that they are going to fulfill. At the cost, at the cost of your reputation, at the cost of your, of you being comfortable, like that's what.

Speaker 1: 4:20

When I look back 23 years ago, at 20, it's like. It's like, yeah, I was gung ho, yeah, I was ready to take on the whole world. The whole world was my oyster. But it was like, was I ready? And I would say no, am I ready at 43 for the next 20 years? I don't know. I'm more aware, though. I'm more aware. And so I would say, probably at 20, I was self-conscious, not self-aware. I was still insecure, I wasn't secure. I still, I still probably had a lot of things in my heart that I needed to work out. I needed tools, I needed direction, I needed mentorship, I needed pastoring, I needed coaching, I needed counseling. I needed all of these things. And, friend, let me tell you the Bible says that it's in a, in a multitude of counselors, that there is safety. And it's okay that you need a whole village to raise you. You need a whole village to come and draw the purpose out of you.

Speaker 1: 5:17

Now I look at this Pete Carroll quote and I say this Pete Carroll quote is great. This Pete Carroll, let me say it again, each person holds so much power within themselves that needs to be let out. And he's not thinking about the gospel. He's not thinking about I don't think he is, I don't know, but this is you know. You say, well, that's very humanistic. No, god has created every person to give him worship in such a way that they are powerful individuals. And you're a powerful individual not because of necessarily what you've done, but how God's created you, what he's put inside of you, which, if you are saved and you are following the Lord, that means you have the spirit of God inside of you. Come on, the same spirit that rose Christ from the grave dwells in your mortal body like, okay, you're a powerful individual, you need Jesus. Yeah, I get that. But you know what I love what Pete Carroll says. He says sometimes you need a little nudge, a little direction, a little support, a little coaching and the greatest things can happen. You need a multitude of counselors around you. You need people around you to encourage you, to challenge you, to oppose you, to serve you, to love you, to lead you, to rebuke you, to correct you, to encourage you, empower you, enable you. You need people around you and at 20, I don't think I knew that. All right, all right, here we go.

Speaker 1: 6:46

Fast forward. Now years, I get married to a beautiful woman named Jackie. I have three beautiful daughters, sophia, lily and Grace. And I just feel so unprepared and I probably talked about this on this potty I feel so unprepared for life. What does it mean to be a good dad, a good husband? I've talked to you probably a lot about that, but going through those emotions and as a man we're supposed to, it feels like we're supposed to know all this. You're to be the protector, you're to be the provider, you're to be the one who's a good listener, a good this, a good that, and it's like God, help me, help me. And so I remember my good friend Mike Harry, how many conversations that we've had about oh, we went through ministry school and we knew so much about ministry and preaching and this and that and the other thing in theology and doctrine. But teach me God how to have character.

Speaker 1: 7:43

I think I'm finally finding a life. First, I don't really have one, but maybe it's quick to listen, slow to speak, the antithesis of what I am right. Like, not quick to listen, but you know, don't listen, fix it all, speak. I mean, come on, guys, that's what we do. We fix everybody's problems but we need somebody to fix us. And I'm finding that in life maybe it's quick to listen, slow to speak, quick to ask questions, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. So what does this have to do with my secret project? Well, there's nothing worse than life than a man feeling like he's unprepared. There's nothing worse than life than feeling like you're lost in your drowning in a sea of yourself trying to hold it all together. There's nothing worse than life than that.

Speaker 1: 8:33

The church doesn't acknowledge things like mental health, and I'm not saying every. I think this is becoming a conversation about mental health, but a mental health and emotional health and especially, coming out of COVID, how important mental health is in emotional health. But I think the church, we've done probably a poor job of addressing these issues. I know even my own church. We have to do, I have to do a better job of really addressing these issues and being okay, these in the church. It's been like here, you have the spirit, have the word, you're fine. It's like, no, there's a safety and a multitude of counselors. You might need counseling, you might need coaching, you might need help. I'm going to get into coaching in a second of what it is, but I'm just giving you the context of this because I want to tell you a story.

Speaker 1: 9:20

A few years ago, actually a few years, it could have been last year now, actually, yeah, what are we in 2023? Yeah, we are in 2023. Back in 2022, I had a Hulk moment. Bruce Banner turned into Hulk. I want to tell you about that moment. Before I tell you about that moment, this is brought to you by no, I'm just kidding, I don't have any commercial there. Before I tell you about that moment, this is not dogging other people as much as it was a moment where I needed to take up responsibility for myself and I needed to be a part of the positive change. I'm trying to do this in one take, so, if I'm all over the place, this is why.

Speaker 1: 10:14

But that feeling at 20 is not fun at 35. 36, 43, 63, 73, going through your whole life that way. I think sometimes in the church that, especially again giving you my perspective here is that that feeling at 20, a feeling unprepared can go through where you're in so many different situations. I planted a church at 30 years old and how many times have I felt unprepared and not enough skill and not enough knowledge, even if I had the skills like how do I then apply this skill? There's just so many things. You get what I'm saying. So what happens in the church world is that when you go to a conference, when you go to a place to grow and to learn, is that A lot of times they get the person with 10,000 people in their church. They get the person with 3,000 people in their church to tell you all about what you should do, and they can hire so many different people and they have people around them that encourage them and support them. I'm not saying they don't go through their own challenges, but I'm just saying that when the average church is like 60 or 70 people in America, that that sometimes doesn't really translate well.

Speaker 1: 11:18

Alright, so here's my story. I was at a pastor's conference in Orlando and I was at a pastor's conference in Orlando. I think my staff has heard this and this is not again. I'm not going to give you names here, but I'm at this pastor's conference in Orlando and this 20-year-old struggle has been with me for at that time 22 years. Now 23 years. That has been a struggle in my life and that's been a struggle in many of people that I know. And I'm at this pastor's conference and the guy who's leading this pastor's conference in Orlando is kind of in his circle, a pretty well-known guy. He has a lot of people around him, a lot of support, not saying he doesn't go through his own hardships, I'm just saying there's a lot of people that get to speak into his life, that probably counsel him and coach him and give him the word of God and all this kind of stuff. And then there's a lot of people who you know that that's not there for them as much. I mean, I'm feeling it. I'm going to take a little sip of my coffee here, big gulp, big drink.

Speaker 1: 12:28

And so as I'm sitting in this pastor's conference, the guy in the platform says to this other guy in the platform they start to have this little moment where they're bantering back and forth and they make a joke disparagingly is how I translated about life coaching, and in that moment I had this flash before my eyes. Of all the times I felt unprepared, all the conversations I've had about man if I only knew how to be a better husband, better dad, better audience. It flashed before my eyes back and forth and all of a sudden, bruce Banner began to disappear and there was some kind of form of anger and rage in me and I began to stand up in the sanctuary and I began to and I didn't actually that, but I did. I didn't stand up and begin to yell, but inside of me I began to go. Why are you making fun of something that I, for some reason at that moment and I look back and I think it was a Lord, but at some reason at that moment I'm like no, people need life coaching, people need help. Why are we making fun of it when there are people who are struggling? And you're standing on the stage and I'm just giving the raw moment. Okay, You're standing on the stage, you have all these people around you, but there's people who don't have the support that you have, there's people who don't have the net that you have, and so why are you just? Why are you speaking down about something that may be actually be a tool to help. And I got really angry in that moment. I don't have like a spirit of offense, I was angry and do not sin. I just was like, seriously, isn't that kind of hypocritical? I've done it before, I've said stupid things. I had to go back and kind of re-evaluate, but that was such a defining moment for me because Bruce Banner disappeared in Hulk and I said I have to do something about this for me, I have to do something about this for our church. And so, in March of 2023, I began taking life coaching courses because, friend, there's a lot of life coaches out there and they're not certified, they're just life coaches because they decide to be. And I was like I need to figure this thing out. And about a class and a half my second class through, I began to understand life coaching. And once I began to understand life coaching, I began to shift internally and I began to shift relationally and I began to see the world differently. You say, okay, alright, how, alright, ready, here we go.

Speaker 1: 15:07

Counseling is important. Deep inner healing is important. If you need that, deep inner healing goes back into your life and it begins to work through trauma and pain. Counseling is important. Counseling takes you from the past and brings you to the present. There's a lot of times where we get stuck in the past and we need to come to the present.

Speaker 1: 15:35

And so many times you hear a lot about counseling. People are like I don't want counseling, I don't want counseling. But honestly, everybody probably needs counseling. And if you say you don't need counseling, it's probably because you do. You do need counseling, you do need counseling so you can go from the past to the present. But, friend, let me tell you, there has to be a moment where you go from the present to the future and that's coaching. I almost well let me say that sometimes it's easier to get counseling to go from the past to the present. But, friend, come on, if we're being real, there are moments where you want to go from the present to the future but you feel stuck. You feel like you're in a bad place. How do you get to a good place? Or maybe you're in a good place and you need to get into a better place, and maybe you're in a great place and you want to go to an extraordinary place from. That's what coaching is about, and so we use the word coaching. That's what coaching.

Speaker 1: 16:32

Coaching is finding that little hinges open big doors. Right Coaching is that person that is going to come alongside you and partner with you in thought and indeed in emotion, and come alongside of you and be a voice in your life. That gives you the little nudge, the little direction, the little support, the little coaching. You say it's just a little. Why is it important? Because small hinges open big doors.

Speaker 1: 17:06

Coaching has begun to even get into my soul. A lot of times I've done pastoral counseling, I've done mentoring, discipleship, all these kinds of things, and I think what ends up happening is that usually, especially in the church and I think there is a place for this this is called preaching, this is called teaching, this is called. You know, there is a place where we are supposed to tell people and proclaim the gospel, and tell people about the Lord, and tell people about discipleship, and tell people about the word, and tell. But, friend, you can't just tell, tell, tell. Let me just even offer that telling is a part of it, but there's also another part of it, and that's getting the people of God, that's getting your business, that's getting the people that are in your space to all of a sudden accept responsibility for their own life. That's what coaching is about.

Speaker 1: 18:05

Coaching is coming alongside somebody and saying, hey, you know what? There's actually answers that are already in you. You're not powerless, you're powerful. You're not lost. You just with a little nudge, a little help, a little, we'll be able to find your direction. See, god has created you in such a way that, with the Spirit of God, you can accomplish what he has called you to accomplish. But you need the help. And so that little nudge, that little, that little, that little direct, that little support and actually, as we know, a little support probably means a lot of support, but it but it's a coach is not there to tell you what to do. Let me tell you what a coach does. Okay, there's four things that a coach does A good coach will do.

Speaker 1: 18:57

Number one a good coach is going to move you forward. See, when you come into a coaching session and you say I'm stuck, let me tell you something. That coach, who is, who is an expert, who has certification, who knows what they're doing, that coach is going to listen so intently to your life. And that coach, their job is to get to move you forward. So when you're stuck. Maybe you're stuck in emotion, maybe you're stuck in a thought, maybe you're stuck in a job, maybe you're stuck and you know what. That coach is going to come alongside of you and they're going to help you go forward in your thinking, go forward in your action and listen. This is what really leads to what they call transformational coaching, but that coach is going to help you move forward.

Speaker 1: 19:45

The second thing that that coach is going to do, that's that and the way maybe we could say the way that they do it that coach is going to evoke an insight into your life. It's going to be another perspective. You're going to realize that there's something, possibly in your blind spot. You're going to realize there's something that is that is you know in your life and you're going to go oh my gosh, I never thought of that before, I never saw that before. And because all of a sudden, you're seeing clearly, and all of a sudden, because you know what's in your blind spot, guess what? You're going to interact with the world differently.

Speaker 1: 20:18

And so, number one, that coach is going to move you forward. Number two that coach is going to bring insight into your life. Number three that coach is going to to create a deep sense of ownership. Now, not the coach's ownership, but your ownership. You're going to own your own words, your own actions, your own goals. You're going to have a deep sense of ownership. See, this is what needs to be added to really to discipleship Not just me telling you to pray, but but you owning how to pray, how to read your Bible, you owning your spiritual life, you owning whatever sphere of influence you're in.

Speaker 1: 20:55

But you should walk away from a coaching session or sessions going I can own this, it's mine, I'm responsible for it, I can do it, I can go forward. I can see clearly the fourth thing that every coach should bring to help you open those doors that are on small hinges, to give you that little nudge. The other thing that that coach should do is that coach should bring positive reinforcement to your life, and this is kind of, you know, in the church world, this is what we call prophecy, the encouragement for building up, for consolation, that that coach should bring a positive reinforcement to your life Because, listen, there's only one like you, there's only one person like you. There's only, there's only, there's only one of you, and that one of you is so special and that one of you is so unique and that one of you is so designed by your creator to accomplish great things, that friend, you should have somebody that encourages you and you should feel like you can tackle this life. And friend, that's what we need. We need coaches, we need life coaching in that, and so I've been working for the last months and months and by the end of this year I will be a certified life coach hopefully by November and that has led me to start an LLC.

Speaker 1: 22:17

Yes, I've started an LLC called Victus, one, coaching and Consulting. Victus means, in this context, way of life. One means one step, one thought, one action. Right, there's usually there's one or two things really, but there's one thing that you can begin to do for a forward moment, and so it's coaching and consulting, consulting something different, but coaching, coaching. How has this changed my life? Well, this has changed my life by teaching me to be a better listener, to listen to my wife and not try to fix her, to ask better questions that aren't loaded or but they're curious, no-transcript. I want to discover things about people now and now. I want to keep it interesting in life, but it's taught me how to listen. It's taught me how to empower others.

Speaker 1: 23:26

And when I began to understand really what coaching was, I thought, man, they should have taught this in ministry school. Every ministry school should teach life coaching, because life coaching changes lives. Life coaching does what we say discipleship does or counseling does. That's what we say it does, but really it should move people forward and create insight and ownership and have positive reinforcement. And so that's where I've been, that's what I've been doing.

Speaker 1: 23:51

I'm not giving up on this podcast. I'm going to publish this podcast and then, when I'm done with these three classes, I will be probably podcasting like crazy again, because this is a great outlet for me and this is healthy and I want to keep you in my world. But that's what I've been doing and I've really tried to do this section in one take. So I don't even know if I'm missing something here, but if you want to know more about it, you can email me either at kupilithis at gmailcom, or if you want to know about coaching and you're part of our church, listen, coaching is free for our church members. But you want to jump into coaching? That's great, you can do that. But you can email me just to find out about it and I might not be the right person for you, that's fine, I don't care. I mean, I love to walk with you, but you know what? Find somebody that's in your own community. Find somebody that can coach you because, friend, you might be stuck in the present, but it's time to go to the future. You might be in a place that's good. Listen, it's time to have somebody come alongside of you so you can then be great.

Speaker 1: 25:01

John Whitmore said this. I'm going to finish with this quote. Coaching is unlocking people's potential to maximize their own performance. It's more often helping them to learn rather than teaching them. There are I'm going to finish with this thought actually there are.

Speaker 1: 25:27

God doesn't make trash. That's what I want to say. God doesn't make trash. He designs you for a great purpose. So that's where I've been. I want to live to my full potential and I want to empower people to live to their full potential in the Lord. So that's the secret project I've been working on. Thanks for hanging out with me. God bless you, I love you and actually next month is in a few days, but I will be with you next month again on this podcast. Thanks for listening. I'm out. Thank you so much for listening to the Coupelites podcast. Please consider supporting this by a donation at thecoupelitespodcastcom. It is a tax deductible donation. If you would like to write into the show, you can write me at coupelites at gmailcom yes, you got to figure out how to spell that. But share, subscribe. See you next time. Provide overnight information about your project or your personal video based on. Thank you,